Today marked our final port of call on this 9-day Western Caribbean cruise aboard Cunard’s Queen Elizabeth — and we wrapped things up in one of the most over-visited, over-shopped, and over-tequila’d islands in all of Mexico, no not Cancun, but Cozumel. Now, if you’ve been on more than one Western Caribbean cruise, you’ve probably been here. Actually, you’ve definitely been here. Cozumel is the Nassau of the western Caribbean, that one stop that shows up on nearly every itinerary.
Since Queen Elizabeth sails under the Carnival Corporation umbrella, that means we dock at the pier farthest from the downtown area — Puerta Maya. It’s the same one used by Carnival Cruise Line, Princess Cruises, Holland America, and their other brands. Down the road a bit is the International Cruise Terminal, mainly used by Royal Caribbean. Then there’s Punta Langosta, my personal favorite, which is right downtown and used by lines like Disney, MSC, and NCL — aka the lucky ones who don’t have to walk 3 miles to get to the action.
Walking from Puerta Maya to downtown Cozumel will run you about 2.5 to 3 miles depending on your route. That’s roughly an hour of dodging potholes and vendors trying to sell you “authentic” Mayan artifacts imported from China. Or you can just grab a taxi for around $10 each way.
Puerta Maya is your typical cruise port setup — a bunch of shops, bars, and restaurants all designed to separate you from your pesos as quickly as possible. You’ll find the merchants here are very pushy, and are constantly trying to get you into their stores to buy trinkets and t-shirts, and of course there are the guys offering “free tequila shots” and “real” Cuban cigars. Side note, the only real Cuban cigars you’re going to find are in the official duty free store, everything else is as legit as a $10 Rolex.
There’s also Pancho’s Backyard — an upscale(ish) restaurant that’s actually very popular and doesn’t have the vibe of the more chaotic restaurants and bars that are catering to the people who want to get drunk as quickly as possible. There’s even a tiny patch of sand that’s generously labeled a “beach.” It’s really just a few loungers plopped on a rocky shoreline, but hey, they tried.
And yes, the infamous “pharmacias” are here too — every five feet, in fact — selling everything from antibiotics to… let’s just say “other stuff” that you might not find at CVS. Oh, and those “vape shops” you’ll see all over? They’re technically illegal now. Mexico banned the sale of vape products in January 2025, but judging by the number of neon “VAPE HERE” signs I saw today, enforcement must be on siesta.
If you actually want to do something in Cozumel besides people watching at the port, booking a shore excursion through the cruise line is your safest bet. Snorkeling, zip-lining, Mayan ruins are all popular tours offered. But here’s the golden rule that I can’t stress you follow hard enough: book through the ship. Why? Because if your tour runs late and you booked independently, the ship won’t wait. You’ll be waving goodbye from the pier as Queen Elizabeth sails off without you.
I decided to do my own thing today, which basically consisted of wandering around aimlessly. I racked up nearly 20,000 steps, found a small beach area where I parked myself for a bit, and just had a chill afternoon doing absolutely nothing or worrying about being on a schedule. There is enough to do around all three of Cozumel’s ports without having to book tours, unless you really wanted to take in some of those tourist-trap attractions.
I didn’t make it all the way downtown this time — mainly because the clouds started rolling in, and the last thing I wanted was to be caught in the rain. Sure enough, the second I got back onboard, the skies opened up. From 4 p.m. until we left at 7, it was nothing but rain and drizzle.
Cozumel is one of those places that can be fun whether you have excursions or if you’re just going to wing-it by doing things on your own close to the port. Just keep in mind, close to all three ports it’s just a lot of shops, shouting merchants, restaurants and bars. The coastline near the port isn’t great for beaches, but you can make it work, or head to a beach club (for $35–$50 a day — basically paying for a chair and access to the bathroom) and you’ll have a fine time. These clubs are located all along the main street, so you won’t have a hard time finding one.
One final word of caution. There are people trying to rent you motorcycles and scooters constantly. Many of these are run-down, unsafe methods of transportation. It’s highly recommended you pass on those, as you don’t want to end up spending time in a Mexican hospital on your cruise.
All Aboard! Kind of.
At 6:30 p.m., “all aboard” meant just that — everyone back on the ship. Or at least, it should have. We were scheduled to leave Cozumel at 7 p.m. sharp, but as the clock struck seven, an announcement came over the PA. I assumed it was the captain doing his usual thing, explaining our departure course and next port. Nope. It was the purser’s office asking for a specific passenger to contact them immediately.
Now, if you cruise a lot, you know this is code for “someone didn’t make it back on time.” A few minutes later, another announcement came through — this time piped into every single stateroom. That never happens unless it’s serious, like “man overboard” or a medical emergency. The person speaking even apologized for interrupting everyone’s dinner (and possible sleepy-time) but again asked this passenger to contact the purser’s desk “immediately.”
Finally, the captain himself came on confirming that all guests had finally been accounted for. Whether that person actually ran down the pier at the last second or was standing on the ship the whole time and just didn’t scan back in properly, who knows. But after about a 10-minute delay, Queen Elizabeth finally pulled her lines and we began sailing back toward Miami.
It’s a good reminder that all aboard time isn’t a friendly suggestion — it’s the cutoff. Ships, like planes, buses, and trains, run on tight schedules. When you’re late, you’re costing the cruise line money. And trust me, there’s nothing funny about those pier runner videos on the TikTok. Time, as they say, really is money.
So what happens if you do have one too many tequilas in Cozumel and lose track of time, or the 3rd party you booked an excursion with had a bus break down 30 miles from port? Read what your options are if you miss this ship in this article I wrote here.
Now, I don’t know if it’s because I’m creeping up on 55 or if Cozumel just zapped the last ounce of energy out of me, but after watching Queen Elizabeth pull away from the pier, I was done. But priorities are priorities, so instead of heading straight to bed like a lot of people on this ship do early in the evening, I dragged myself toward the midship Gin & Fizz Bar for a pre-dinner pick-me-up — or three.
On the way, I took a quick detour past the Britannia Restaurant to check out the night’s menu, and it was… uninspiring. Not a single thing jumped off the page and said, “Eat me.” So, I did what any hangry cruiser would do: headed toward the Lido Buffet on Deck 9 to see if there was anything there that might be dinner-worthy.
There wasn’t.
As I’ve said before, the buffet on Queen Elizabeth has been one of the biggest disappointments of this cruise. It’s not that it’s bad, it’s just mediocre — it’s nearly the same quality and selection as you would find on a Carnival ship, not a Cunard liner with white-gloved servers and afternoon tea service. Breakfast? Fine. Hard to screw up eggs and bacon. But lunch and dinner? Bland, repetitive, and a distinct lack of anything that could be described as exciting.
And here’s the part that still baffles me after eight days onboard: why are there hot dogs on the dinner buffet every single night? Who’s eating these? There are maybe a dozen kids onboard, tops. I really want to know who’s eating these hot dogs!
So, after that mission, I turned right back around and made my way to Gin & Fizz — because when dinner options fail you, gin rarely does.
Dinner at The Golden Lion on Queen Elizabeth
Dinner service on Queen Elizabeth wraps up at 8:30 p.m. sharp. If you don’t have yourself parked somewhere with a menu in front of you by then — whether it’s Britannia, the Steakhouse, one of the pop-ups, the Golden Lion Pub, or the Lido — you’re out of luck until the late-night snacks hit the buffet around 10. So there I was at 8:15 with 15 minutes to make a decision: eat or starve.
I decided to head to the Golden Lion Pub. It’s got that British feel with dark wood, brass fixtures, and the faint scent of fish and chips in the air — all the things you’d expect from a proper pub at sea. The menu features the usual suspects: fish and chips (included), a Ploughman’s plate (also included), and a few upcharge options like the $11 burger I decided to try.
Now, yes, I can hear it — “You paid for a burger on a cruise?” I know, I know. I could have just gone to the Lido Grill at lunch for a free one, but in the spirit of research, I took one for the team. The burger was actually solid — nicely seasoned, cooked to order, and served with fries that didn’t taste like they’d been sitting under a heat lamp all day. It hit the spot, though it wasn’t exactly a feast. This is definitely more of a lunch venue than a dinner spot, as I left still feeling a bit hungry.
The pub is also a place onboard where you can get a proper pint of Guinness, as you would expect. Tonight’s entertainment was an Irish duo, which… look, I appreciate live music, I do. But Irish folk tunes aren’t exactly my jam. Then again, people also enjoy rap, so who am I to judge? A good number of folks seemed to be enjoying it, so maybe it was just me. For once, though, it actually felt like I wasn’t on the Mary Celeste! People were out, mingling, and the ship had some life to it.
Still a little hungry, I took a quick walk up to the Lido for some ice cream before making my way to the Commodore Club for my nightly nightcap. By that time, the winds had kicked up — about 25 knots — and the Queen was rocking and rolling a bit. Back in my cabin, the ship was creaking and moaning while my sliding bathroom door was having the time of its life, sliding open and shut until I finally locked it in place.
But that motion rocked me to sleep faster than my nightly gummies ever could. We’re now on our way back to Miami, with arrival scheduled for early Thursday morning. Debarkation letters and luggage tags have already been distributed, which is always a buzzkill.
Cunard offers both the standard “carry it all off yourself” express option and the traditional “leave your bags out the night before and have fun trying to find them in the terminal” method. If you’re doing self-debark, you got a card in your cabin that you needed to return to the purser’s office with your preferred get out time. If you’re doing the regular option, your disembarkation time is tied to your luggage tag color.
We were also informed that everyone on this voyage will be required to do an in-person passport check with U.S. Customs in Miami — something I haven’t done in years. Usually it’s all done with facial recognition iPads where you stand, align your face with a circle on the screen, and hope the light turns green. Not this time. So either Cunard doesn’t have the fancy tech or Miami decided we all needed a throwback to the good ol’ days of standing in line to show our passports to an actual human being.
Tomorrow is our final day which we’re spending at sea, and in the next report, I’ll share my overall thoughts on this cruise — the good, the bad, and the hot dogs. Stay tuned, and as always, thanks for following along.
Daily Schedule
