As I stood in the bacon line this morning I wasn’t prepared for what would happen just seconds after several pieces of the crispy pig and a scoop of scrambled egg substitute would be presented to me. Taking three steps to my left where I would pick up a bagel and pump some ketchup onto my plate, the unexpected happened.
One pump. Nothing.
Another pump. Nothing.
Will three pumps be the charm? Nope.
Not giving up, I plunged one more time.
I could only equate the force of the ketchup making its exit from the dispenser to what it must be like to visit the restroom 30 minutes after drinking one of those detox colon cleanse drinks. Just seconds earlier I had on a clean white t-shirt. Now I looked like I just committed a criminal offense that would send me to the gas chamber. Not only did I look like I just stepped off the set of “Friday the 13th Part XLVIIXVXI,” the surrounding wall, floor, buffet station, and 25% of the man standing next to me needed to be hosed down.
As I stood there with a look on my face that I haven’t had since I was told Shawn Cassidy was straight, the cook standing behind the line looked at me, grabbed a paper napkin, and said, “do you need one of these?”
Good morning from Samana in the Dominican Republic where the ms Noordam is at anchor for the day. Around 8am this morning we started to make our way through the Bay of Samana where I and others were out on the deck and our verandahs to do some whale watching.
This time of year, the bay is home to whales who make their way here for the mating season – much like the seasonal tourists who visit the much nicer side of the Dominican. As the old saying goes, “a watched pot never cooks,” same was for the whale watching this morning.
With phone in hand, I kept a sharp lookout for the animals but saw none. While I was taking some video of our sail-in, three dolphins swam past the ship, but I wasn’t quick enough with the camera and only caught the ripple of the water where the three of them breached.
The third day onboard Holland America Line’s ms Noordam was spent in Grand Turk in the Turks and Caicos. We arrived shortly before noon and docked at the cruise center alongside the newly relaunched Carnival Sunshine. Once again the weather was beautiful although it was quite windy during the morning as we sailed in.
Instead of opting for breakfast from room service, I headed to the Lido Buffet to grab some food and bring it up to my cabana and enjoy it up there along with some champagne. While several stations such as bread, fruit, cold cuts, and drinks were self-service, buffet staff maintained control of the hot items such as eggs, waffles, bacon, sausage, and toast.
Surprisingly there were no lines at the buffet and there were plenty of empty tables throughout the restaurant. I mentioned yesterday that either I’ve become used to double the number of passengers on larger ships and waiting in line for things such as bacon, or this sailing is not full – even though I’ve been told it is. For those keeping track, the Noordam holds 1,918 people and 800 crew.
It wasn’t long after we were docked that passengers were allowed to get off the ship and explore what the island paradise had to offer. If you’ve been to Grand Turk before, you pretty much know that there isn’t much to do here. There are several shore excursions available but for the most part, those going ashore usually head to the public beach which is right as you get off the ship.
It’s free and as the name implies, public. After passing through the obligatory duty-free shop where you can stock up on booze, cigarettes, and Toblerone, you’re smack dab in the middle of a marketplace where you’ll find several shops including Ron Jon, Effy Jewelers, Diamonds International, Del Sol, and of course, Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville.
The beach in Grand Turk is very well maintained and has plenty of lounge chairs for those that want to soak up the sun and dip their toes into the crystal-blue Caribbean water. Margaritaville has a beach-side stand where you can grab a slice of pizza and a beverage without venturing too far off the white sand.
The Carnival Sunshine arrived earlier in the day and departed shortly after our arrival which meant the beach wasn’t crowded at all. Before heading back to the ship, I stopped and contributed to the local economy (and Jimmy Buffet’s retirement fund) by picking up a pretty cool hat and a few friendship bracelets at Ron Jon.
Back onboard the ship there were several activities going on including a cooking demonstration in the ship’s Culinary Arts Center, which at night turns into B.B. King Blues Club; a steel drum player at the Lido pool; and for those who want to try their hand at losing money, the ship’s casino was open all day for slot play only.
I spent the rest of the afternoon working on my tan and sipping champagne before I fell asleep only to be woken up by the feeling that I just burned the bottom of my feet.
Today I plan on wearing the new standing shoes I bought from Shoe Hero for the whole day.
All aboard time was 5:30pm and it wasn’t long after that the Noordam departed Grand Turk on her way to our next port-of-call. Before heading back to my stateroom, I stopped back at the Sea View Pool where the sounds of Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Jerry Vale were accompanied by a young girl, who I guessed to be around 8 years old, having a tantrum for at least 20 minutes.
As she screamed and cried, her mother who was sitting at the bar sipping a frozen beverage, did nothing to try to get her unruly child to stop. Person after person seated at the bar got up and left while mother and daughter chased away profits and those of us seated at tables nearby sat by in bewilderment as to why she would let her child behave in this manner.
Someone asked me the other day, “where do you come up with stuff to write about?”
It’s people and events like this that give me fodder to chew on.
While I sat wishing I had packed a roll of duct tape, I also wished that my bottle of San Pellegrino was something a tad bit stronger. Biting my tongue, I sat there with a grin that rivaled that of a Cheshire cat, while an older woman with a seductive British accent got up from her table, walked over to the woman, and sternly told her if she did not control her child, she was going to ask a manager to have them both removed.
Rule Britannia!
I finished my bottle of Italy’s finest taking time to reflect on the fact that I won’t ever have kids while at the same time wondering why some people are allowed to.
As we sailed away from Grand Turk, I made my way back to my stateroom where it was time to get ready for the evening which lay ahead.
Before dinner in the ship’s steakhouse, the Pinnacle Grill, I walked around the ship, stopped at some of the onboard shops, and had a glass of champagne in the Crow’s Nest before walking it off one lap at a time on the Promenade Deck.
Being that I had a very hearty breakfast, I felt like eating light. I turned into one of “those people” when I ordered chicken as my main course. You know the ones I’m talking about, the people who go to a steakhouse and order spaghetti and go to an Italian restaurant and order a gyro.
The Pinnacle Grill was very busy with almost every table taken, including a table occupied by the captain and some of his guests. I started off with Crab Cakes followed by the Steak Tartare which I had the other night and was so good I needed to experience it again.
Next up was the chicken, a small, French cut breast served with a mushroom wine sauce and a “forbidden rice cake,” which wasn’t all that palatable. While chicken isn’t something you would generally order in a steakhouse, and my server made me well aware of that, it was enjoyable nonetheless and made for a very light entree.
Along with dinner each evening, I’ve been having a few dirty martini’s crafted in a unique way. Rather than the “dirt” coming from a squirt of olive juice, the bartender is instead muddling green olives and letting their juices enhance the flavor of the drink. Tristan, the wine steward, calls this “David Hasselhoff Style” as this is how the Baywatch star would order his at the resort he used to work at.
After dinner, I headed over to the Vista Lounge where comedian Mike Robinson was set to entertain guests. This family-friendly show featured him and a dummy. Don’t let anyone tell you ventriloquism is dead. This is the third ship I’ve been on since November where a ventriloquist has been a featured entertainer.
Edgar Bergen would be proud.
Speaking of Bergen, I never did get how the “Edward Bergen, Charlie McCarthy Program” on the radio was such a hit.
Think about it.
The show lasted about 45 minutes and was enjoyable. One thing that I like about the show lounges on Holland America Line ships is that they are set up in what I call “supper club style.” In addition to rows of seats, there are cocktail tables and booth-like seating up front where you and your friends can sit down, order a drink and watch the show without feeling like you’re at the local iMax theatre. I guess it’s the coziness of it all that makes the Vista Theatre onboard HAL a favorite.
After the show, it was off for a walk around the ship where most of the public rooms and bars were empty. And when I say empty, I mean empty! The Sea View Bar…. nobody. Atrium Bar…. nobody. Crow’s Nest Bar…. one couple. Lido Buffet…. a few kids and their parents having pizza.
At one point during the show, the comedian asked a member of the audience, “how long have you been married?”
“20 years,” they replied.
“Don’t feel so special,” he said. “Take a look around you, on Holland America Line, you’re considered newlyweds!”
While Holland America does cater to an older demographic that doesn’t mean it’s not the line for you. They do offer ClubHAL for the kids, ships feature a teen area and there’s a nightclub/disco. What you won’t find onboard are waterslides, kid’s water parks, costumed characters, and endless activities designed around keeping you busy 24/7.
What you will find onboard are activities designed around enrichment. Such as the cooking demo I mentioned earlier, art lectures, classical music before dinner, games of bridge, cocktail sampling, and lessons on Windows 8.1 and how to use your digital camera or email. It’s a slower-paced cruise designed all around relaxation and just taking it easy.
And when you’re on vacation isn’t that what it’s all about anyway?
Personal Day-By-Day Noordam Cruise Review:
Photo Tour of the Noordam:
Join me as we embark on a photographic journey to see this incredible ship and all that it has to offer. This tour will take you on a visual journey through this magnificent cruise ship, showcasing its beauty and elegance through the lens of my camera. From the stunning public spaces to the comfortable and luxurious staterooms, this Noordam Photo Tour will give you a glimpse into the unforgettable experience that I had on board the Noordam.