One thing about toilets on ships.
They suck.
If you’ve never been on a ship before, the toilets are a little different than those back home. The head on a ship operates on a vacuum system, much like the toilets on newer aircraft. You do your business, close the lid, press the button and… WHOOSH! Everything gets sucked away in a nanosecond and deposited in a large tank in the bowels of the ship where the waste is treated, incinerated, and offloaded at the port.
But oftentimes when you press the button, there’s no WHOOSH!
You see, there are people who think that putting an apple, a diaper, a washcloth or some other foreign item in the water closet and pressing the button is cool. Unfortunately, when that happens it creates havoc for other passengers who don’t get a WHOOSH when they need it.
This takes me to the point of today’s entry. I’m an eavesdropper, especially when things get juicy in the conversation. I’m sitting in an alcove enjoying a small beer watching the rain come down in Puerto Limon, Costa Rica when I hear a lady arguing with one of the officers about her toilet.
Seems as though she has been having recurring issues with her toilet not functioning properly. The officer, in a very kind manner, kept explaining to her that each time she calls the front office and reports the problem, the technicians find that she clogged up the vacuum line that serves not only her cabin but several others in that section of the system.
The conversation went on for several moments with the woman finally admitting that she’s a bit sensitive “down there” and can’t use regular toilet paper and that she only uses what she referred to as “bum wipes.” It appears that her “bum wipes” are too thick and bulky for the system and with each flush, they block up the line.
The officer, in the most professional demeanor, sympathized with her and explained that just as she is “sensitive,” so is the ship’s toilet system, and for the sake of not only herself but the rest of the people on that particular vacuum line, she should refrain from using the “bum wipes” and switch to the paper on a roll.
During the Behind the Scenes Ship Tour the other day, someone asked the environmental officer what was the craziest thing he’s ever seen shut down a ship’s toilet system. With a straight face, he said an elderly gentleman’s false teeth.
And yes, they were able to retrieve them.
So it was a rainy day in Costa Rica. We docked at Puerto Limon around 6:30am and pulled out around 4pm. It rained pretty much the entire day, so the only people who really got off the ship were those who had shore excursions booked.
The highlight of my day involved watching a container ship tie up alongside us around 10am. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but it took about two hours to get it berthed and lines were set, then pulled, then the vessel was moved forward a bit, lines reset, then pulled, and this went on until they finally got it right.
Funny enough, there were several at cocktail hour who spent the morning watching the same thing! It made me feel a little better knowing that there were others who had just as much excitement as me.
With the rain coming down, there wasn’t much to do other than listen to stories about toilets, watch container ships, and drink beer.
Once everyone was on board, we sailed out as people told their stories of how soaked they got while zip-lining through the rainforest or kicking themselves in the ass for not buying the $5 rain poncho.
Several of us talked about something else – the Panama Cough. It seems that some, myself included, developed a cough the day after being in Panama, hence the nickname we gave the tonsorial irritator. Who knows whether we got it from Panama or the ignorant bastard who I’ve seen several times sneezing and coughing without using a hand, elbow, handkerchief, or similar device to prevent his germs from being passed on to the rest of us.
But being in a closed ecosphere on a ship, you’re always lucky to disembark without some type of malady, so I’ll take the Panama Cough instead of the shits that many people get from the dreaded norovirus that loves cruise ships. No cases of Noro on this sailing, thank goodness.
As the night came to a close I managed to make it safely back to my suite with my pants and shoes on. I passed on the entertainment, as it happened to be a violinist, and classical just isn’t my bag. Besides, we have had so many time changes as we moved from Eastern to Atlantic to Central, to Atlantic, to Eastern to Central, and then who knows what zone, I was tired from too many hours or too few, and I can’t figure it out.
Two full days at sea lie ahead as we make the 1,200-mile journey from Costa Rica to Ft. Lauderdale on the final leg of this Panama Canal cruise, which I have to say, has been the best cruise I’ve been on, and I’ve been on a lot.
The only thing that could downgrade this from a perfect 10 would be one simple thing.
No WHOOSH when I press the button.
Personal Day-By-Day Zuiderdam Cruise Review:
Photo Tour of the Zuiderdam:
Capturing memories through photography is an integral part of any vacation, and my voyage aboard the Holland America Zuiderdam was no different. Throughout my journey, I snapped countless photos, highlighting various aspects of the ship such as the stunning interior design, the inviting swimming pools, and my own cozy cabin. If you’re interested in viewing these snapshots, you can check out the Zuiderdam Photo Tour or browse the daily cruise review, both accessible through the links provided above.