Cruise lines are pretty forgiving. They’ll tolerate you complaining about sub-par food in the dining room, removing tips on the last day of the cruise, or “reserving” your deck chair at 5:30am but not putting your butt in it until 10am. But there are a few things that will get you kicked off – and banned for life – faster than you can say “all aboard!”
Let’s look at five stupid things cruisers do that earn them a permanent vacation from cruising.
1. Smuggling Alcohol Onboard
Ah yes, the age-old tradition of trying to sneak booze past security. People have filled shampoo bottles with vodka, hidden whiskey in mouthwash containers, and even invented “Rum Runner” flasks shaped like Capri Suns.
Here’s the thing – cruise lines know every trick. Your bag goes through scanners, your liquids get inspected, and if you’re caught, your precious bottle of “Listerine” gets confiscated, and you may get more than just a stern warning. Repeat offenders and those who lie to security or sneak alcohol into public areas can find themselves banned from future sailings.
Save yourself the embarrassment and just buy the drink package. It’s less stressful – and a lot less sticky than explaining why your conditioner smells like tequila.
2. Bringing Drugs Onboard
Cruise lines take security seriously, and customs officials even more so. Every cruise, there’s a good number of people who think it’s a genius idea to stash “edibles,” weed pens, or a little something stronger in their luggage. Spoiler alert: dogs and scanners can smell through that bag of gummy bears.
You’ll get busted, handed over to authorities, and permanently blacklisted. So if your idea of a “high seas adventure” involves something illegal, you might want to rethink your life choices.
3. Fighting or Getting Physical
Every ship has that one viral video of passengers brawling in the buffet line over who touched the last chicken tender. News flash: cruise lines don’t play when it comes to violence. Throw a punch, shove a crew member, or start a pool deck fight, and you’ll be confined to your cabin faster than you can say “security, lido deck.”
When the ship docks, you’ll be escorted off – and don’t bother booking another cruise. You’re officially persona non grata.
4. Vandalizing or Stealing Ship Property
You’d think it would be common sense, but apparently, not everyone got the memo. People have been banned for carving their names into railings, tossing deck chairs overboard, stealing artwork, and even stealing door decorations and magnets.
Cruise lines treat their ships like floating cities, and damaging or stealing from them is like tagging graffiti on city hall. The cameras will catch you, the staff will find you, and the next port you visit might just be the last one you see.
5. Ignoring Safety and Security Rules
Want to light up a cigarette on your balcony? Try to open a crew-only door? Climb over a railing for that “perfect selfie”? Congratulations – you’ve just entered the “banned for life” club. These aren’t just rules for fun; they exist to keep everyone safe.
Cruise lines don’t mess around with people who endanger others. So if your idea of adventure involves ignoring every safety announcement, you might want to switch to land-based vacations, where the worst thing you can do is upset the lifeguard.
The Bottom Line
Cruise ships are some of the safest, most enjoyable places to vacation – but they’re also governed by strict rules. For 99.9% of passengers, those rules never come into play. But for the few who decide to test them, it’s a one-way ticket off the ship… and off every ship in the fleet.
And if you did happen to get away with one of these things? Don’t pat yourself on the back just yet. Every year, Darwin Award hopefuls proudly post their “epic cruise hacks” and “stunts” on social media – only for cruise lines (and the internet) to find them. Spoiler alert: the video might go viral, but so will your name on the “banned for life” list.
So, keep your hands to yourself, your feet on the deck, and your “mouthwash” in the bathroom where it belongs, and you’ll be just fine.